♥
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Reflections
Looking at this year, there was certainly some drama. Not only my life but in the world and Singapore too. Mother Nature took centre-stage, with bombings looming round the corner and the sinful desire of man at play to destroy himself and the people around him. Mostly not so good news huh? My life was not smooth sailing too. Some storms and havoc, which crushed me and made me learnt lots of lessons:
At work, I've learnt to be professional; to separate my personal feelings and my work. In many circumstances, it was easy for me to be dishonest to hide my imperfections and weaknesses, just so that I don't look bad. Pressure from others also mounts up to make me compromise my integrity. Fortunately, all that did not happened. It seemed that an angel with wings flapped his wings to raise the alarm and wake my conscious.
The lesson on forgiveness made its return: how to forgive and love others when they don't deserve it. Who am I to say that they don't deserve it anyway? After all, when Peter asked Jesus how many times are we to forgive someone, Jesus said,‘Seventy times seven.' This means forgiving someone through my whole life perfectly. I've not perfected the art, still learning.
I've also learnt not to have any regrets in my life. I've had some regrets and that's enough. I'm not gonna be a regrets collector. Some regrets would continue to surface but I'm going to do all I could to lessen them. I will not hold back what I want to say and do lest when I look back in my life it'll count as a regret. If things do not turn out the way I want it to be, come what may. I've done all I could.
I guess because of this mentality, I've decided to pursue what I want to do. The cost is great. I'll lose everything that I have right now; a stable job, family and friends by my side, ability to buy anything I fancy; pretty clothes, nice dinners, cool drinks, holidaying at any time of the year and the ability to own a car or buy a property so that I can drive my family to places that we can go together. All these had an alluring power, which is almost impossible to resist. Its attraction nearly didn't lose its power. Yet it's only a matter of time that the law of diminishing returns sets in. I see no meaning in all these. There's absolutely nothing wrong with them. I just felt empty and see no meaning in them, beyond what they are. What's next after these? More each of them? And after that? I realized that they can't satisfy me in the long haul. They can't fill the void inside me. They don't give me the happiness I'm looking for. So I questioned, searched and finally found the road that I believe will give me what I want, the road that will fill the void in me. This road is tough. It is the more difficult road, the less traveled road. But it is the first step to take. So I'm going to risk everything I have now for this dream that nobody sees but myself.
Yet at times I lost sight of what I want to do by unnecessary distractions and temptations. When that happens, I remind myself this: remember what I want to do, look at it, never let it get out of my sight until I reach it (my destination).
Many incidents happened in 2005 made me realized that nobody would remember the good you did for them. It is easily forgotten. They will only remember the one mistake you did unintentionally. One mistake will wipe out all the good done before. Cruel huh?
I have to thank God that I am surrounded mostly by great friends; friends who stuck by me. But slowly friends who puts me down and who makes use of me surfaced. I tried to tolerate and forgive them and even forget what happened. But it was done repeatedly and I've decided to do something. Something that I've never done before, it's time to drop them out of my life. Cut such relationships away. Don't call me wicked or being holier-than-thou or 'what happened to the lesson on forgiveness?' I mentioned earlier. It's enough. I've decided to establish only fruitful and meaningful friendships.
Of course angels appeared too! They listened to my sob stories and gave me encouragement and advice so that I can face the world like a man and kick the asses of those jerks out of my life. Thank you angels for teaching me how to pick myself up again! They are also the ones who stuck around even though our lives no longer have any connection. They are the precious people in my life that I'm never gonna let go.
All is not bleak and gloomy. It made me a better person this year. And I know God is behind them all. Painful experiences but I know why they happened.
Thank you, God, for your never-ending love and attention. The year can finally come to a close.
PROFILE ♥
Cynthia
Life is beautiful,
Dance like no one is watching,
Love like you will never get hurt,
Love like you will never get hurt,
Sing like no one is listening,
Live like it is heaven on earth,
Enjoy this day.
♥
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Reflections
Looking at this year, there was certainly some drama. Not only my life but in the world and Singapore too. Mother Nature took centre-stage, with bombings looming round the corner and the sinful desire of man at play to destroy himself and the people around him. Mostly not so good news huh? My life was not smooth sailing too. Some storms and havoc, which crushed me and made me learnt lots of lessons:
At work, I've learnt to be professional; to separate my personal feelings and my work. In many circumstances, it was easy for me to be dishonest to hide my imperfections and weaknesses, just so that I don't look bad. Pressure from others also mounts up to make me compromise my integrity. Fortunately, all that did not happened. It seemed that an angel with wings flapped his wings to raise the alarm and wake my conscious.
The lesson on forgiveness made its return: how to forgive and love others when they don't deserve it. Who am I to say that they don't deserve it anyway? After all, when Peter asked Jesus how many times are we to forgive someone, Jesus said,‘Seventy times seven.' This means forgiving someone through my whole life perfectly. I've not perfected the art, still learning.
I've also learnt not to have any regrets in my life. I've had some regrets and that's enough. I'm not gonna be a regrets collector. Some regrets would continue to surface but I'm going to do all I could to lessen them. I will not hold back what I want to say and do lest when I look back in my life it'll count as a regret. If things do not turn out the way I want it to be, come what may. I've done all I could.
I guess because of this mentality, I've decided to pursue what I want to do. The cost is great. I'll lose everything that I have right now; a stable job, family and friends by my side, ability to buy anything I fancy; pretty clothes, nice dinners, cool drinks, holidaying at any time of the year and the ability to own a car or buy a property so that I can drive my family to places that we can go together. All these had an alluring power, which is almost impossible to resist. Its attraction nearly didn't lose its power. Yet it's only a matter of time that the law of diminishing returns sets in. I see no meaning in all these. There's absolutely nothing wrong with them. I just felt empty and see no meaning in them, beyond what they are. What's next after these? More each of them? And after that? I realized that they can't satisfy me in the long haul. They can't fill the void inside me. They don't give me the happiness I'm looking for. So I questioned, searched and finally found the road that I believe will give me what I want, the road that will fill the void in me. This road is tough. It is the more difficult road, the less traveled road. But it is the first step to take. So I'm going to risk everything I have now for this dream that nobody sees but myself.
Yet at times I lost sight of what I want to do by unnecessary distractions and temptations. When that happens, I remind myself this: remember what I want to do, look at it, never let it get out of my sight until I reach it (my destination).
Many incidents happened in 2005 made me realized that nobody would remember the good you did for them. It is easily forgotten. They will only remember the one mistake you did unintentionally. One mistake will wipe out all the good done before. Cruel huh?
I have to thank God that I am surrounded mostly by great friends; friends who stuck by me. But slowly friends who puts me down and who makes use of me surfaced. I tried to tolerate and forgive them and even forget what happened. But it was done repeatedly and I've decided to do something. Something that I've never done before, it's time to drop them out of my life. Cut such relationships away. Don't call me wicked or being holier-than-thou or 'what happened to the lesson on forgiveness?' I mentioned earlier. It's enough. I've decided to establish only fruitful and meaningful friendships.
Of course angels appeared too! They listened to my sob stories and gave me encouragement and advice so that I can face the world like a man and kick the asses of those jerks out of my life. Thank you angels for teaching me how to pick myself up again! They are also the ones who stuck around even though our lives no longer have any connection. They are the precious people in my life that I'm never gonna let go.
All is not bleak and gloomy. It made me a better person this year. And I know God is behind them all. Painful experiences but I know why they happened.
Thank you, God, for your never-ending love and attention. The year can finally come to a close.
